I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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