Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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