Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
