He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
