Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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