dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize