Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
