Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
