You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
