I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
