Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
