dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
