We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
