I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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