You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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