I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
