Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
