just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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