I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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