i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
