Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
