If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
