Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
