I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
