I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
