It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh god it's open bar.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
