Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I still have a little drunk in my system
When are your genitals available?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize