why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
