unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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