She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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