I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize