Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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