So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
