I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
