You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
