Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
