I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
