Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Shame is for Republicans.
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