I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
