Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
