I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize