He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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