Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
operation harelip BJ is a go
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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