I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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