Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
