I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
