hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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