My room smells like vodka and shame
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
