yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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