someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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