Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
