i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
