i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
