EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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