you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize