I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
