i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize