I love black thongs
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
