I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
