Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
