Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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