Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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