I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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